Part 3 of 4...
Hello lovely and welcome to this blog, I'm Miriam Pires from Higher Balance as always banging on about Intuitive Wellness For Busy Professional Women.
I bet not a day goes by without you feeling some kind of angst around your body, food choices or confidence in general.
Am I right?
That’s kinda ouchies isn’t it.
I know we’re grown up busy and professionally successful women but being obsessed about our bodies and food is probably holding us back, in many areas of life.
In this series of blog articles we’ve already discussed how I reversed the diet to actually reach my health goals and secret #1 my Silver Bullet.
So in this blog I want to distill step #2 or secret number two of how to get where you really really want to go around your health and well-being challenges.
- Maybe you want to lose five kilos, like since forever?
- Maybe you need to fit into your old clothes after giving birth or eating cake all 2018?
- Perhaps you binge eat, overeat and emotionally eat?
- Or you’re suffering from a more serious eating disorder or body image dysmorphia?
Whatever the case, these founding principles that I am banging on about work for everyone.
I’m not going to lie to you, there isn’t a single actual diet, rule or miracle pill in sight with me…
Many women get kinda freaked out about my methods initially because they really go against the grain….
I’m like, well honey, if your way worked it would have by now.
But you’re still on a diet, getting no weight loss FAST.
Plus you don’t like yourself.
We keep listening to the ‘experts’ that tell us this diet then that one, a turmeric pill here and protein shake there, we’ll see results soon. Those results never come. In fact the results we can be sure to see after a diet is added weight gain.
Scientific studies confirm that after one year 98% of dieters gain the lost weight and put on more.
This little known fact drives me wild, because all you gorgeous women out there obsessing about your weight, plus your so called lack of willpower, plus the extra fat you put on and the lousy way you feel post diet failure is avoidable.
But not until you realize diet culture is the wrong way to get to where you really want to go.
Let me tell you that in fact you’re failing for a good reason, that body of yours is much more intelligent than your persistent chatter brain thoughts and it’s avoiding the stupid diet for a very good reason:
1. You need to eat - fact of life!
2. You need balanced macro-nutrient intake.
3. Restricting food makes you naturally want to eat more.
4. You can’t hate yourself into a better body - a diet is a form of I AM NOT ENOUGH.
Let me clarify that if you’re on a diet for medical reasons as prescribed by you GP or other medical professional then great! This information is not about you.
This is for all the women that go back to the latest lifestyle diet like “diet starts on Monday” attitude, the chronic dieters…. you know who you are (and you never lose weight and keep it off).
Diets are actually wonderful things when you know how to use them…. And if you’re sick, you need them to restore your life force, so under supervision diets achieve amazing results.
I actually am not against “diets” really - save the weight loss obsession - they are very useful.
I use food as medicine protocols (as I like to call it rather than a diet) but the difference is I realised for most of us they’re in the wrong chronological order - the diet comes last, not first.
To find out exactly what I am banging on about read the first article I wrote in this series…. How I [Finally] Reached My Health Goals By Reversing The Diet and to know exactly what you should do FIRST if you want to get in the right frame of mind body spirit to actually and sustainably reach your health and well-being goals (including weight loss or weight normalisation) read the follow up article Secret #1 - My Silver Bullet to Health & Well-being
So if you are at all familiar with my methods you know that I base my work with women on founding principles aka common sense.
This next secret is no different.
Oh and by the way, this secret is a BIG WELL-BEING TREND for 2019!
A lot of people are already doing this, and I'm sure you've heard of it, but you may not realise the implications it has on your health yet.
It’s not a fad, it’s here to stay, and plays a large role especially on how sustainable your health goals are. What I mean is that this isn’t a Paris fashion week Chinese rip off trend that will last a season.
That’s the diets remember.
This is a complete shift in perspective, that when done in conjunction with my first secret - The Silver Bullet, will get you where you want to go around your health and well-being goals and keep you there… long term.
If you were after an overnight cure then this is not the place for you.
The next bogus miracle pill offer from the ‘experts’ (I’m getting an annoying one delivered daily to my inbox from the people who run The Shark Tank show) is waiting for you on another website - you won’t find it here.
But my secret #2 is simple.
It’s even enjoyable.
But it may not always be that easy.
And unlike the first secret where I was sure you were going to doubt the sexiness of it all, I think you’re going to find Secret #2 sexy as!
You might just find it really hard to do at first….
But with practice you will enjoy it A LOT.
The other thing to note is that you need to base ALL OF YOUR HEALTH GOALS ON THIS ONE THING.
If you don’t then you’re going to fail.
Simple as that.
How do I know?
Thousands of cases with other women, lots of trial and error and self exploration too.
So what’s the secret? What’s the ONE THING that you HAVE to above all else, base all of your health and well-being goals on if you are to succeed in the long term?
It’s SELF LOVE.
Yep that’s it.
Am I doing this because I love myself, or because I dislike (or worse hate) myself?
Let me tell you a personal story that illustrates this point so very well….
Before I started helping women get sane around their food and body challenges, I was quite loco in an up and down way around these things myself, but I was keeping busy working a fast paced corporate job in marketing for the finance industry.
Once I decided that I’d had enough of the 9-5 and completed my studies in Eating Psychology it was time to travel the world on a pilgrimage and find my calling… right!?
So I spent seven months on a round the world trip and when I got back to Sydney I was none the wiser on what I wanted to do.
This made me feel quite a bit stressy because I had to make a decision.
Staying in an expensive city like Sydney trying to ‘figure it all out’ was not an option.
Now despite the knowledge that I had around nutrition, well-being and the power of food as medicine, I started to binge eat on burgers, fries and chocolate thick shakes…. on the daily!
I’m generally well known for being super healthy so this was a huge emotional eating experience for me and quite embarrassing.
I told no one. I had to keep my facade of being healthy, right?!
So despite all the information and education I had around what’s good for me, and knowing my response to gluten, sugar etc I ignored all those things for the emotional satisfaction and taste bud satiation I got from the burger binge.
I could have gone to see a therapist or career coach - yes and those would have helped for sure. But after getting an education and traveling the world, budgets were blown and #aburgerischeaperthanatherapist!
But you know.... even those more aware and conscious options seemed to pale in comparison (at the time) to the feeling I got from going to the drive thru, ordering my meal, sitting in my car and devouring it while no one was watching.
It was this visceral tangible experience I had to have.
There was nothing else that could have given me the same satisfaction. It was a moment in time when I needed to be with my raw self. No hiding.
And while I knew that it wasn’t healthy for my body to eat this way, I also knew that it wasn’t going to be forever.
This lasted for three weeks.
You see the intellect part of my brain can’t override the primitive part that seeks pleasure and avoids pain. That is so old and hardwired it naturally takes over in stressful situations - it's self preserving.
It is designed to keep my alive, not keep me well read and cultured.
However, what I did know for sure is that “I mattered”.
I knew that my emotions were valid.
I was aware that I was emotionally eating, that I was in a major life changing moment, that I was making big decisions and under a lot of personal pressure....
....and that certain foods, especially childhood foods simply made me feel comfortable, joyful and safe.
I made a decision to not criticize myself for this behaviour but to love myself through it instead!
I told myself, Miriam if this is what you need to get you through this moment then that’s ok. I’m here for you and we’ll do this together (yes I am talking to myself like I’m two people, because when we are in conflict with ourselves clearly there is more than one mind, it’s just part of being human).
I never left my own side throughout this experience.
No about of education would separate me from my emotions when things got really tough.
The sustainable way through this moment was to feel love, not more fear and god forbid dislike for myself.
Could you imagine making an important life decision while you’re hating on yourself?
Just because you wanna eat a burger (every day)?!
So I didn’t make it any harder on myself than it needed to be, I met myself exactly where I was, with love…. not with forced diet restriction or self criticism.
Naturally without any effort I stopped those burger habits and returned to even cleaner eating than I had before and haven’t binged on a burger since - that was almost two years ago.
I’m not saying that YOU should now go and eat burgers willy nilly or that stuffing your face with food is good for your emotions.
Self Love is an individual case by case practice.
Either way, "I" was going to binge eat like that. I could have hated myself in the process, but I decided to love myself instead which lead to greater self trust which builds a foundation for actually making healthy choices not by force, but by nature.
Ever tried to force a toddler or teenage girl to do something?
It’s not pretty.
You are that toddler and teenage girl.
When you’re eating in a frenzy and you don’t like yourself and things are not going the way you want, you don’t need extra hate on top of all that.
You need love.
It’s really that simple.
The diets work only after we have met ourselves on the level of Slowing Down and Self Love.
I’m not kidding here.
This seems so ridiculously simple and it is, but it’s not easy.
We’re so quick to attack ourselves, and yet try receiving a compliment….. Challenging for most.
This is where the action’s really at.
If I had tried to force myself to eat a certain way during an intense time of stress, I would have clouded my thoughts even more.
I would have made decisions from a place of lack, confusion and fear.
Rather I accepted where I was, I didn’t judge myself, I made a decision that it was perfectly ok and normal for me to behave in such a way and I allowed the process to take its course.
In doing so, I proved to me that I have my own back.
That I am not living by someone else’s standards of what’s right or wrong, but I am willing to explore my edges and grow, allowing myself to heal naturally, with patience, inquisitiveness, playfulness and yumminess.
So, what’s the result of all this?
Like I said, I haven’t binged like that since.
I opened my Eating Psychology and Intuitive Women’s Health Mentorship Practice.
I love what I do, I honour my body, I love my body, I respect my food intolerances and I live according to how I feel.
My stress response to food has completely changed and I no longer impulsively reach for food that does not serve me on all levels.
My weight has normalised and my body is stronger than ever.
My self care routine is important to me, I am happier, I laugh more, and I have found peace with my food choices and my body.
In short, I have never felt better, not because I went on a diet and lost weight, but all because I put the ‘food ideals’ on the back burner, trusted my body FULLY and showed up for my own healing journey with patience, compassion and tonnes of self respect.
And all this from the simple (but not easy) act of Self-Love.
The thing is that if diets, lifestyle rules and special pills worked they would have by now.
Perhaps it’s worth a try giving the Self-Love trend a go for yourself and see how that makes you feel about food and your body?!
Remember it’s a journey.
Certainly you can choose to either love or hate yourself on the way to your future, and you may or may not lose weight when you get there, but at least if you choose Love you arrive happy instead of miserable :)
So that’s it, that is my Secret #2 and what to base your entire health goals on.
Am I doing this because I love myself or because I dislike myself?
Very important questions to ask before you take your next direction, before you judge your choices and all the time really.
Now that I have gotten to the end of this blog I realise I’ll have to write one about "how to" really love yourself. That's such a personal journey but I there are entry points.
Let’s save that for another time, because the final blog post in this series is all about my
It’s really such a fun one that I know you will love.
p.s. If you are struggling with the self love thing on your own, reach out and book a free pow wow with me here.
p.p.s. Take the 14 Day Binge Liberation Online Journey and get all my founding principles to achieve weight normalisation so that you can finally end dieting forever!